Dress Code Violations Causing Teen Pregnancies (Satire)

Earlier this week, BHS student Rick Hayes actually saw a girl wearing a strapless dress, and his life was forever changed.
“When I see exposed shoulders in class, I’m overcome with desire,” says Hayes.
This seems to be the mindset of many teens today. Pop culture often attaches things such as open shoulders and midriff to sex, obviously because these are the most provocative parts of the body. In a school environment, it is necessary to stop all visibility of these parts, so that teens (especially boys, being more sexual beings) and staff won’t get distracted. Modesty is much more important than teaching students to respect others and self control.

Sex is too much of a distraction for everyone in general, but when you add in skirts that fall above the fingertip line, there is the potential to create mass amounts of impure thoughts in the minds of young people.
Ariana Smith, a junior, recently got dress coded.
“I was wearing a shirt with narrow straps–it didn’t show anything so I don’t understand what the big deal was,” she says. What Smith doesn’t know is that straps with a width less than two inches leads to potential nudity, which leads to pregnancy. And the world doesn’t need more teen pregnancies as the result of breaking school dress codes.
The local school board recently considered that the dress code be furthered. One suggestion is that students, mainly females, wear human muzzles to cover their mouths. Because having mouths exposed advocates kissing, and we all know what that leads to: more teen pregnancies.
Another suggestion was that all students wear gloves to school to prevent the spreading of sexually transmitted diseases. Plus, nothing gets students and teachers more distracted than bare hands. This issue has gone so far that the idea of handcuffing students has been proposed. Because when young people are handcuffed, they can’t touch each other. Which means no more dress code related STD’s–ever.
“Why can’t we just let people wear things they feel comfortable in?” ssks Smith.
The answer is clear: students are not supposed to feel comfortable in their own bodies. Because if we allow students to show skin, they may get the idea that it is okay to have body confidence, the worst idea of them all.
If students are comfortable with their bodies, they are more likely to have unprotected sex. That is why we need to shame the youth (again, particularly women) into thinking that if they show off their bodies, there will be consequences.
Meaning, dress codes must be strongly reinforced and enhanced for the safety of children.

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